We all have disagreements, with family, friends and co-workers. The bible talks about how to resolve your issues so that your actions honor God. In Luke 17:3 Jesus says, “Watch yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him.” Exactly what does this mean? We must first examine the word “brother”. If you are a believer and a member of the Body of Christ then you have entered into a spiritual family in one accord with Christ. Likewise, your brother can also be considered your friend. According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary, the definition of “friend” is,
- a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
- a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter:
- a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile:
- a member of the same nation, party, etc.
We are all these things to each other within the body of Christ. You and your brother therefore must be in one accord. The 1st part of the verse states “If your brother sins, rebuke him!” Now the sin can be against you, the body of Christ or another party. Remember you must only rebuke the person if he is your brother, which means technically he should know better, because he knows the Word of God. On the contrary, you can’t rebuke someone who is not your brother, because they are not in the body of Christ, and therefore does not adhere to the Word of God. This simple fact forces you to re-evaluate the friendship. Is it wise to be friends with someone who is not in the body of Christ? Better yet, can you blame someone that sins against you if they do not know that Word of God? At the heart of it all, you must decide if you and your “friend” are of one accord.
The 2nd portion of the verse states, “…if he repents, forgive him”. Now your brother should have no issue repenting because he knows the Word of God! This should be easy right? Well, what happens if your brother does not repent? The beautiful thing about Christ is that he has the perfect solution for every problem.
In Matthew 18: 15-17, Jesus says, "If your brother sins against you,[a] go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 16But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.'[b] 17If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector”. The verse is pretty much self-explanatory, but lets pull out the major points.
- Just between the two of you – Never discuss your issues with a friend with anyone but that friend. This is very important! Out of respect for that person and respect for the Word of God you must not speak about your discrepancies with anyone other than the person that has offended you. Why is this so important? If you decide to tell your side of the story to someone other than the person that offended you, you have done several things wrong. 1. you have exposed your friend to outside judgment and have caused others to look at them in a non-complementary light. 2. you have dishonored your friend and the Word of God. 3. you have inadvertently gossiped about your friend, which is a sin. You must now repent for this because you too have sinned against your brother
- Bring counsel – Now if your brother does not listen or repent, you are allowed to bring two or three others to counsel. It is better to bring those that are in the Body of Christ, but if the majority of your friends are not in the body of Christ then you are in quite a predicament. This is why it is important to keep fellowship with equally yoked people. Make sure that the parties involved are not bias. This is also another reason why you should not talk about the situation, so that the parties that will come to help council will be hearing the problem for the 1st time and can give an honest opinion.
- Take it to the Church – Now do you understand why it’s important to fellowship with members of the body of Christ. You can’t take a non-believer to church! A non-believer sins because they are in the world, so how can they be aware that they have wronged you if doing wrong is a part of their life?
- The last resort – After all these things have passed and your friend still won’t repent, then they have lost the Word of God. They are not heeding to the Word nor are they honoring God. They have stepped out of the Body of Christ and therefore; you must treat them as such.
Friendships are a hard thing to manage, but if you heed to the Word of God, the solution to fix your strife is readily available to you. I ask you to please fellowship with equally yoked people. This does not mean that you should only fellowship with believers, for even the darkness needs light! If you have shared the gospel with unyoked friends and they still reject the Word of God, you must then decided if you are willing to still remain friends with that person. Managing friendships is very difficult, but let us thank the Lord for providing us with instructions as to how we should conduct ourselves in the mist of argument with our friends. Let us pray. Our Father who art in heaven, please teach me to forgive and likewise please teach me to repent. Show me how to deal with friendships in a way that honors your Holy Word. As you have forgiven me; may I learn to forgive others. In Christ name, Amen.
